[分享] 鸭子

鸭子
A duck walks into a pet store and asked the owner if he sold "duck-food" here. The owner said; "no, I don't sell duck food here". The next day the duck went back to the same pet store, and asked the owner again if he sold "duck-food" here. The owner became very angry and said; "if you ask me for "duck-food" one more time, I am going to nail your web feet to the floor!" The duck came back on the third day and asked the owner of the pet store; "do you sell any hammer and nails here?" The owner answered; "no, I don't sell any hammer and nails here". The duck then asked; "do you sell any "duck-food" here"? 一只鸭子问宠物店老板："您这儿卖鸭食吗？"老板说"不卖。"第二天，鸭子又来问："您这儿卖鸭食吗？"老板火了，他说："你再问鸭食，我就把你的蹼钉在地板上！"第三天，鸭子又来到这家宠物店，它问道："您这儿卖锤子和钉子吗？"老板说："不卖。"鸭子接着问："那么，您这儿卖鸭食吗？"

乌龟
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."        树林深处，一只小乌龟在慢慢地爬树。它爬呀爬，好不容易爬到树梢，舞扎前腿望空一跳，重重地摔到地面。（好在有壳，它只是摔昏了。）它醒来，又开始慢慢爬树，然后又跳，又摔昏，再爬，再跳，再摔昏……对面树杈坐着一对鸟儿默默地看着它试了又试，心疼得不得了。最后，母鸟看不下去了，它掉头对公鸟说："亲爱的，我看是时候告诉咱娃说它是抱养的了。"

鱼
Teacher: Martin, put some more water in the fish tank. Martin: But, Sir, they haven't drunk the water I gave them yesterday. 老师：马丁，给鱼缸加点水。
马丁：老师，我昨天加的水它们都还没喝完呢。

沙井盖
"What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the arresting officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to it on my record-player!' " 法官：你有什么理由指控这个人喝醉酒？
巡警：大人，我看见这人揭开沙井盖，拿着走了一段。我问他为什么要拿，他说要拿回家放到唱机上听一听。

谁的狗？
A highly timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir"一个非常胆小的小个子壮着胆子抖抖索索地走进布郎克斯一个暴走族出没的酒吧，清了清喉咙问道："嗯哼，呃，劳驾，哪位是栓在外边停车计费表上那只都伯曼狗的主人？"一个身穿皮夹克、夹克接缝处体毛黪掺的大块头慢腾腾地坐在凳子上转过身来，俯视这小男人说："我的，怎么着？""呃，"小个子害怕地哼哼唧唧地说，"我想我的狗刚刚将它弄死了，先生。""什么？"大块头怀疑地咆哮说。"你养的一条什么鬼狗？"小个子回答说："先生，是一条4周大的小母狗。""扯淡！"大块头又吼道，"你的小狗怎么能弄死我的都伯曼？""是这样，您的狗被我的狗噎死了。"

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